What is the working relationship between boundaries and your 2-word purpose?
The concept of “boundaries” was popularized by California-based Christian psychologists Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend with their 1992 book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life. As a book with sales of over 4 million copies plus a spin-off series it speaks to a deep need for knowing who we are and where we stand.
Boundaries are like fences. They exist to protect what is deemed worthy. In this case it is your inner life — the Self in relationship with Others. The simplest explanation of your inner life is the body, mind, and spirit framework. This inner clockwork includes your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes, aspirations, values, dreams, and more, such as your doubts, anger, resentments, regrets, and fears.
Purpose lives in the heart of your heart. It must be protected and free to roam in service to Others even as a corralled horse is meant to be ridden on the plains. Boundaries provide a psychological form of defining what’s off- or on-purpose.
Fences have gates for two-way access. Who, what, when, and why Others may enter or exit this gated community of intimacy is an individually complex algorithm. As a functioning adult, you are the ultimate gatekeeper of your person. The better you know yourself, the stronger your boundaries are likely to be.
Our boundaries are constantly under attack by people, events, and circumstances. In the absence of boundaries we’re defenseless. Even with a barrier, unwanted break-ins happen as thieves and predators crash our doorway. Worst is when we willingly open the gate to our inner life and they abuse the privilege. This is when a fence often becomes a wall.
Within us lives an inner fence line separating the secular and the sacred. Let’s call this the higher power or God fence line. Here is the source of everything pure and good within you, such as your purpose, identity, vision, calling, values, hopes, and dreams.
We stand with one foot on this fence looking in but because of the highly publicized wrath of God and awareness of our misdeeds, we mistakenly presume the gatekeeper posted “Danger Keep Out.” In response, we turn our attention outward. Ironically, here lives forgiveness rooted in unconditional love for the humbled heart. And your 2-word purpose is symbolic of the invitation to enter and the key code to opening the gate.
Given the unrelenting interplay of the God-Self-Others relationship pattern of life, we’re constantly negotiating two sets of boundaries — one facing outward to Others and one facing inward toward God. The result is loneliness, meaninglessness, and unworthiness.
Living an outer-directed life and a locked-out inner life is unsustainable. We can only deny who we truly are for so long before it all comes crashing down to rock bottom — just God and You.
Why wait for an identity crisis? Don’t keep your key safely tucked in your pocket. Start now. The best way to respect boundaries is to explore them. Pass through God’s gate and set the God-Self-Others pattern rightly in motion by exercising the Greatest Commandment.
Be On-Purpose!
Kevin
