As the family gathers for the holidays for what is intended to be a time of reunion, remembrance, and celebration, please consider employing the power of asking questions, listening, and reflecting. In short: Be a humble conversationalist, not a debater — don’t play one-upmanship.
Don’t go into events planning to iron out political differences, fix your family, or win anyone to your way. Instead, invest in building wholehearted relationship as an active asker and listener. Get to know them as a person, not just as a point of view.
Here’s how. Ask neutral questions. Listen without judgment. Don’t take the bait to debate. Ask follow-up questions on the answers you’ve received. Be sensitive to the emotional state of others. Be prepared to change subjects.
5 Opening Reflection Questions: “As you reflect on 2022 …”
- What was your most proud moment or accomplishment?
- What was your happiest/saddest day?
- When did you feel the most loved?
- Who mentored or spoke a truth into your life?
- What did you learn this year that improved your life?
Next, listen and use reflection questions to elicit deeper understanding. For example, “So X was your most proud moment. Wow! How did that affect you?” Listen, avoid interrupting them, and ask the next follow-up question. Repeat.
Resist talking about yourself. If they ask about your accomplishment, share it briefly, but then say, “Thanks for asking, but let’s get back to your story. I’m fascinated to hear about how/why/where/when/what you did next.”
If appropriate, edify the person in front of others by saying, “You won’t believe what (person’s name) accomplished in 2022. Please share what you told me.” Let them tell their story and encourage them with continuity phrases such as, “Tell them what happened next,” or “Be sure to tell them about ….”
Be sincerely curious about the life experiences of others. You’ll learn a lot, build a relationship bridge, and give the gift of loving them where they are. That’s the spirit of Christmas.
Be On-Purpose!
Kevin
