We were sitting around our dinner table one evening several years ago, and our daughter Anne was home from UNC Chapel Hill where she was majoring in psychology. I don’t remember the discussion. At one point in response to my wife I said, “Judith, you’re a bad person.”
Anne lit into me about how wrong it is to say that to anyone, especially to her mom. Judith is cracking up in laughter.
Anne didn’t realize that she was stepping into running joke going back to 1982 when Judith and I were classmates at The Darden Graduate School of Business and MBA candidates. Our organizational behavior professor, Alec B. Horinman, led Section A through a case study about managing behaviors and the importance of respecting personhood. In short, the takeaway was “Address behavior and out of respect never call someone a bad person.”
Needless to say, several of us adopted this phrase to use on a semi-regular basis to tease one another should we say something stupid or off-putting. With knowing humor, Judith and I juxtaposed this phrase into our lexicon with decades of safe use.
But when Anne heard it through freshly enlightened ears, it rightfully set off alarm bells. Even after explaining the backstory to Anne, she was not impressed by her parents.
Here’s why is it inappropriate to call someone a bad person:
- It attacks their identity, instead of addressing their behavior.
- It closes down dialogue and opportunity for growth.
- It is typically said in anger or as a put-down.
- It “justifies” harming another person by objectifying them.
- It frames the person as unredeemable.
Where did this bad person identity originate? Perhaps it’s an old tape from our childhood when a parent, teacher, or authority told us we were a “bad boy” or “bad girl” when we did something wrong. It stuck, took root, and became a lifelong weed choking our spirit.
Along comes your 2-word purpose statement that by definition is good. It contradicts the “I’m a bad person” belief system. This makes it harder, if not impossible, to trust and own our purpose and a whole lot of other noble qualities, traits, and attributes. Welcome your two words as spiritual weed-and-feed for a restoration of your soul as you emerge as a new creation.
Finding this post disruptive? It’s because “You’re a bad person.” 😉
Be On-Purpose!
Kevin
